[Image by Silviu on the street from Pixabay]

Here at the Minimise Project, we think conversations with friends and family that are respectful, persuasive and gentle are a great way to change people’s minds about abortion, thereby reducing and eventually eliminating abortion as a sanctioned social practice. However, we recognise that having a full-on conversation about abortion, even – or perhaps especially – with a friend or family member, can be a daunting task. While we can all try to be brave when we are genuinely afraid, for some people, having in depth conversations about abortion may not be something they ever feel particularly comfortable with. However, there are other ways you can advocate for the unborn amongst your friends and family! Here are some ideas to get you started.

Be positive about pregnancy

I’ll never forget a story told to me once about an older relative of mine. There was a seventeen-year-old neighbour of hers who had recently learned she was pregnant. After she had told her boyfriend, she then told her parents. They were very shocked, and quite concerned for many reasons, but did manage to assure her that they would support her through what was sure to be a challenging and monumental life event. She and her boyfriend then had a similar conversation with his parents – they were also upset and shocked, but supportive. The same reaction came from her siblings, friends and others.

Finally the time came for the news to become general knowledge. She casually mentioned she was expecting while chatting to my relative one day, and her reaction was to give a huge smile and say “Oh congratulations! Have you thought of any names yet?!” The poor girl was totally taken aback – this was the first time she had encountered someone who treated her pregnancy as a positive thing, rather than a Huge Challenge that had to be navigated.

Pro-life people often say how many women might carry their pregnancies to term if only they had the required support. Part of that support includes having a broadly positive attitude to pregnancy and parenting, no matter when or how the baby came to be. I challenge everyone reading this blog to react positively to any announcement of pregnancy. It’s such a small thing to do, but can make a real difference!

Voice your pro-life views: I’m pro-life and I’m not a monster!

Sometimes abortion arises in conversation and you really don’t feel up to starting a conversation about it – that’s OK! Sometimes it’s not the right time or situation: you’re outnumbered, your boss is there, you’re tired or hungry, you feel out of your depth. However, one thing you can do is just note that you happen to be pro-life, and then move the conversation onwards. Sometimes you can do this as part of the conversation: “Yes, I have to say that as someone who is against abortion I also find it infuriating when people claim to be pro-life and yet support the death penalty. I’m pretty horrified to hear that executions are actually on the increase in…” Sometimes it’s not possible to naturally slip in the fact that you are pro-life, but you can always say something like “I really don’t want to get into a debate about this if that’s OK, but I just wanted to let you know for the record that actually I am pro-life. Do tell me more about that article you read, though”.

Mentioning your pro-life views in these contexts, and then moving on without making a big song and dance about it, can really make people think. Wait, she’s pro-life? And she’s not calling me a baby-murderer? Weird!

Use humour

One effective way to diffuse tense conversations, if you have the skills, is to use humour. This shows that you are relaxed, friendly, and don’t feel threatened. I don’t recommend cracking jokes about abortion, but if you can insert some humour into discussions around the topic, it can allow people to chill out enough to be a bit open and honest about their position. If nothing else, it can reduce tension and help the conversation move on.

Use links and resources

You don’t have to make arguments yourself! You can link to blog posts, videos or articles that you found interesting or helpful. This is a great way to spread the pro-life message without having to do anything high stakes or high pressure. Just a simple “You know, I used to think that exact thing, but then I read a blog that totally changed my mind on it. I’ll send it to you!” No need to say any more than that, but when you send the link, you can do so with a simple “Here’s the article I was telling you about – I’d love to get your thoughts whenever you have a chance to read it!”

Be chill and normal

Above all else, whether or not you use any of the tips above, just be chill and normal. People assume pro-lifers are angry, crazy, narrow-minded, religious, and/or have nothing in common with them. By coming across as a generally calm, relaxed, friendly person, you will slowly chip away at that image (assuming other people know your position on abortion). Combining any of the above tips with a general attitude of “I’m just a chill, normal person” is invaluable. Even if you never have a substantive conversation about abortion with anyone, by being calm, relaxed and normal, you make life soooooo much easier for those of us who do discuss this topic! Thanks so much for doing your part!

Muireann